Oh wait, no, you're that idiot outside wearing a slutty dress and heels in the snow.

Why is it that girls (and college girls, I am looking at you) feel the need to dress up in their sluttiest outfits when it is either raining, snowing or minus 11 degrees out? I don't think anybody sees that and thinks, "Wow, only a model would be that dedicated to looking pretty." No, there are only two reactions to that:

Girl reaction - "What a skank bitch; I hope she slips in a puddle in those five-inch skyscrapers and dies."

Boy reaction - "Hmm, I think I have a twenty somewhere..."

And at the end of the night, trust me, you do not look hot when you're walking home barefoot because your FMPs hurt so badly.

I have been chosen by the gods to be the one to bring humanity this message: What started out as a harmlessly crap show on the CW every week at 9 has taken on a life of its own and grown into something terrible - a fad.

The ins and outs of the annoying perfect Serena, date-rapist but apparently still loveable Chuck, and cloyingly sweet Dan, were irritating to begin with. While everyone is interested in what rich people do, people are universally annoyed by rich teenagers because you can't even pretend that they might in some way have earned and appreciate their money. Nope, they're just spoiled rich brats. So when it began, people were just mildly interested because there were jailbait pretty girls and it was fun to place bets on whether the men on the show were post-op or going through the change to manhood.

But now, the show is on a second season. And there's going to be a third? What? American teenagers, have you lost your minds? There is no need to see if Serena and Dan will break up again(they will) because you know in your little Coach-loving hearts that they will get back together within the next episode. And all those guys you've got posters of? Uh, I'm pretty sure they're women.

I have a confession to make. It's hard to say, but I feel like I have to do it, because I know I am not the only girl that feels this way. Boys with tight pants bother me... because sometimes they look better than me.

The real problem with this is, they are obviously trying to look good. And if they were a girl, they totally would. There are guys that would hit that, and not just gay ones. I mean, do they look at themselves in the mirror wondering if their pants make their butts look big? Do they hide their junk away, hoping they will be mistaken for the opposite gender? Are they trying to steal my boyfriend?! These are serious questions every female has asked in their lifetime. It's almost as if these skinny boys are making fun of us ladies with hips and thighs and saying "in your FACE!"

But the real question is: where do these boys end up? Thankfully I have yet to see a middle-aged man sporting skinny jeans.

Having put the disturbing image of your father's Hot Topic phase in your mind, I'd like to take us to the root of this problem: the Jonas Brothers. I feel as though the advent of gender-appropriate fashion came hand in hand with the Jonas Brothers. The only thing tighter on their pre-pubescent bodies are their promise rings (though we'll save that commentary for Matt and Trey).

Before Pete Wentz and family Jonas came into the picture, females were the only ones socially allowed to rock their tushes. Let's blame this one on MTV and call it a day.

I think it is not a stretch to say that the biggest crisis facing the world today is Twilight. (Shortly followed by AIDS, world hunger, and the fact that MTV doesn't play music anymore.) So what, you ask, could be worse than Twilight?

The answer, of course, is more twilight.

A sequel! Excellent, you say! Well, not so fast. It turns out that it is a sequel not being written by the original author. Neither is it endorsed by said author. This "sequel" is, in fact, a gigantic fanfiction written by a woman named LadySylliba.

Now, fanfiction is generally something of an evil in and of itself, seeing as how it's usually badly-written wish fulfullment about the author's favorite character, and this book is no exception. It picks up where the original books left off and apparently completely reverses everything, turning the werewolf Jacob who got jacked over in the original into the hero.

It gets even funnier when you realize, with very little sleuthing, that the publisher? Well, aside from the annoyingly loud beep that happens every time you click over a tab on their website, the main problem with the publisher is that it IS LadySylliba. And by little sleuthing, I mean going to her youtube channel.

While it's amazing that LadySylliba seems to think she won't have lawyers up her nose in approximately 3.4 seconds(the amount of time it takes Stephanie Meyer to stop sniffling about being upstaged and get angry about it), what's even more amazing really is that someone took the time out of their life to write a gigantic fanfiction to Twilight and then be enraged enough with the actual ending of the series to try to publish their own ending.

I ask you - why is this popular?

Every day we wake up and take on the daily grind, popular culture and fads throw themselves at us, from the billboard outside your window to the "punk" who ninjas your seat on the metro. Having spent the last few months in Montreal, I have come to truly loathe all that is trendy. Let me warn you now... this is not for the weak at heart.

I've seen atrocious things. Children and adults alike reading Twilight on their daily commute. Women with hair so big they must know the secret of life. Teenagers so fat that not even all of Richard Simmons' spandex could cover what theirs has simply failed to do. The ever-ridiculous pairing of shorts in the dead of winter - with heels she cannot walk in. Men wearing multiple scarves... as belts?

All of these things have made me question my own style... but we cannot hate the concept of style - we must distrust others as inspiration. Fads have always been questionable at best so put down that graphic t-shirt telling everyone you are on "Team Edward."

We do not care and you look stupid.